(Source: eudesdesantana.com, via film-grain-deactivated20110828-)
I don’t know why you’re like this, I keep thinking it’s me.
I don’t know why it suddenly happened, you just out of no where chucked a bomb on me.
I don’t know why I didn’t want to post this on tumblr, but here on blackcanvas.
Maybe because it’s better, maybe because when I try to help out you don’t even answer, maybe because I want to write this anonymously without anyone knowing who this is.
I can’t believe and never thought I’d lose someone so close me. You’ve changed, faster than a blink of an eye or anything for a matter of fact.
I wish I was beautiful.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get better. If I’ll ever be completely happy with who I am. I can’t be positive I’m going to like the person in the mirror 20 years from now. The scary part is, do I even want to live that long to find out?
When I was about six years old, my neighbor got on top of me and pulled my pants down and kissed me everywhere a six year old shouldn’t be kissed. She was a year younger than me. It bothered me then. It bothers me now. It was something I hid for years. I’m 20 years old now and I’ve repressed the memory for so long I forgot it happened. I remember that girl hated me too. I remember my mom asked me what was wrong and I said nothing.
I’ve never told anyone this. This is the first time I’ve brought it up ever. Idk why I’m bringing it up now.
I don’t to have to pretend that I’m okay with you being with her, like I’m happy for you. You are my best friend, and I do love you but I’m also in love with you. I don’t want to have to feel this hopelessness that all I ever wanted was you and that you’ve never wanted me in return…
I am scared of the world and the future… I am terrified actually. I don’t want to grow old because living is all we are. I am scared as I get older, that I may lose all the people I love. I am a sophomore in high school and my friends are my life, once I graduate i have no idea how i am planning to survive without them. i have gotten so close to so many, that i am probably going to cry when i leave… I am terrified of living.
Hello I’m a philosopher. I’ve always been free and well it’s very frustrating. I know I have just as much potential to be very great. To be Leonardo da Vinci or any other. After all, I have just as much time here and a mind like they did hands too. The thing is I’ve always suffered through depressions. Ever since I was in 5th grade. In my 5th grade, my friends all left, literally. Two of my friends had their parent die and couldn’t take living where I live anymore.
Another, her parents bought a new house so she left. The other two were Asian and left back to their hometown Japan. I was left with one last friend. My very best friend, Patrick. Met him in kindergarten and always stood up for him. Then he ditched our friendship because I wasn’t cool enough. And the cool gals were the ones that just never really liked me. So that was when I felt the first times of true human loneliness. Sitting on the swing the whole year and wondering why I even existed. I was 9 years old, why would I be asking about the meaning of my life? Since I was hopeful but alone I tried killing myself.
I’m scared I’m going to fail out of college and prove everyone right.
i wish i gave you a kiss goodnight, i wish i wasn’t mad with you cause i had to look after you. i just want to say how much i miss you, and the only reason i’m here right now is because i know you want me to stay with mum, and not let her cry again. i miss you dad, i really do.
I’ve always been scared to let my dad down. He holds such high expectations of me and thinks I’m the smartest kid, but I feel really fucking stupid. I only go to school because he and my mother want me to. I don’t feel I’m cut out for that and I want to drop out. All it has done is caused stress for everyone involved. When I first told him the classes I scheduled, the only thing he cared about was how much more time I’d have to be there and how much more money it would cost. If I knew all he cared about was the money, I’d pay for my own schooling on my own time. Lately, I’ve just been so depressed that I think it’s either time to leave or time to rid myself of everything.
I’m sorry I’m a burden, Dad.
